My Sanity
by dannyboy
Summary: Spike is caught playing his guitar in the basement by Buffy--Set mid season seven


Buffy stepped into the basement, her eyes straining to see Spike sitting with his back to her on his cot. She could hear the slight sounds of guitar coming from the basement, that's why she was making her way down to see him. She approached silently and listened as he softly played, and then began to sing.  
  
"You are the one, that puts the smile back. You are the one, that brings shows me home. In your eyes I see my peace, and in your arms is the peace I know. In the mere moments you hold me In the simple words you say There are things you show me You are nothing less than my sanity."  
  
Spike sang these words slowly, and with more emotion than Buffy that it possible for him to show. His eyes were closed, but Buffy could make out a falling tear coming from his eye. She thought about the words he had just sung, and thought, 'I'm his sanity?' Her eyes were welding up with tears herself. She listened from behind him as he continued.  
  
"Peace at last, I'm resting inside this place My sanity is finally found When I'm lost in your embrace."  
  
Buffy realizes that it is her that he is singing about, and the tears are flowing now. She has pushed him away since his return, and in turn he too could not face her with the same desire he once had. They had trained together, lived together, and yet when they had loved together, they neither knew how the other felt. When the last chord was played and Spike quit strumming the guitar softly with his hand flowing through the strings, letting his arm fall limp over the guitar. He sat there for a moment silent, until he felt her, he felt her mere seconds before he felt a hand touch his shoulder.  
  
"That was beautiful," Buffy sniffled. "Did you write that?"  
  
"Well, uh yeah. But I didn't know anyone would hear it," Spike answered with an embarrassed and slightly concerned look. "Listen, I'm sorry if something I said made you uncomfortable, I shouldn't have been playing down here.."  
  
Spike was cut off by Buffy's index finger touching his lips. She softly sat down on the cot facing him as he placed his guitar against the wall. "Don't be sorry for something that's beautiful Spike. Don't be sorry." She looked at him and wondered how long they could continue to dance around the other, "I want you Spike." Buffy had said it, not in a sexual way, but in a way that let Spike know he wasn't holding on for nothing.  
  
"I know you do luv, but I also know that you can't be with me." Spike said defeatedly as he lowered his head looking into his hands. "Not now, not ever. A man is what you deserve, not a monster."  
  
"Spike, your not a monster. You've not been for a long time. Something in you changed, even before you got your soul back. You know that somewhere inside of you there is more humanity than even humans have." Buffy was shaking because she knew that now was the time to go for it, "Spike, there's something even more beautiful than your words inside of you. There's love. Spike, I can't dance around you anymore, I love you somewhere inside too, even the potentials can see it. It's not some wild passionate thing anymore, I mean it's there, but that's not it. You are one of my reasons to live. The world is right only when you're with me. When you were gone, I cried everyday, because something wasn't right. Spike, you are my sanity, you're the only reason I'm human."  
  
Spike sat silent for a moment, trying to register the words he had just heard. He looked the blonde slayer in the eyes, and saw her tears flowing, happy tears he thought. He gently touched her face with his hand, lightly palming her cheek as he wiped away the tears. He softly leaned in and kissed her. Softly and passionately they kissed. As they did, they held each other just as softly. When their kiss was over they still held each other, and he looked her in the eyes and chuckled, "You're the reason I am the man I am, in so many ways. You're more than my sanity, you're my everything."  
  
"This is nice," Buffy whispered as they held each other in the dark, damp, cold basement. There was nothing in that room of light, nothing of joy, except for them, they were so happy the room seemed to light up with peace and contentment.  
  
As they softly lied down side by side on Spike's cot to sleep, Spike softly placed his arm around her stomach, to which Buffy softly placed her own hand. They quietly lied down and Buffy quickly fell to sleep, Spike then whispered, "This is perfect luv, no we can rest." 


End file.
